Random Humor

1. Last Monday, I was dreading Literacy week because of all the activities involved. I had to read to a 1st grade class and if you know anything about the 6-7 years old bracket…they are quite a lively and curious bunch. Not what I needed on a Monday morning pre-coffee. I entered the classroom with book in hand and the teacher says, “This is Ms. Howe, she is going to read to you this morning…” when a little boy interjected immediately and ever so loudly…”She looks great!!!”
Well, it is a good morning after all! Nothing like an honest compliment from a 1st grader…it made my week.
2. I was volunteering at PSBFK teaching the kids English, we were having snack and I was serving grape juice and using it as a teachable moment, as I poured I stated “grape juice”. The kids started to reply “wine”. I am not Jesus, all though I love the little children.
3. My students and I decided to play Life online and the only brown female character is a whacky looking lady with crazy shades and wonky hair. The students dub her the “hip hop ajumma”
4. I wore my hair curly and I look a little orphan Annie, if I do say so myself. Some people have asked…did I get a perm. I am like, no this is natural. Remember the other million and one times I have worn it curly?
5. My students and I still do an Abbott and Costello routine. Where they answer no, when they mean yes etc. I will write down a perfect example next time it happens again. It simply involves them saying yes to a typically answered no question and I have to ask over and over to clarify.

Liquid Stupidity

Not a good idea...in any country, especially one not your own

As a foreigner living abroad. I take pride in trying to be a good representative. Some people could give a flying f*&k. So I don’t hold on to those kite strings. But I am on the unofficial Restore America’s Image Post Bush Campaign. (RAIPBC) for you acronym lovers. I hate to say it… but ’tis true… people will judge a whole group of people based on one experience with them. Marinate in that. You know you do it. Otherwise you wouldn’t say, “I know someone who…..”..let me interrupt your need to connect for a moment…like I know him/her or that all of us have the same experience just because we lived in the same state, have the same color hair, use Crest or whatever. *wink* well we do have a group on Facebook.
So while I am here, I am going to be the best black/Korean/whatever-you-wanna-label-me American woman I can be, so that if they ever meet someone from the land of Recessions and Foreclosure plenty…they will say I met a chick from there and she was cool and the rest of them were just alright. Aww yeahh…Here is one thing I am doing to further the cause:

There are some people who will wander the streets of Seoul in a drunken stupor as if it were Fat Tuesday every weekend they reside here. I am not a religious zealot for all you strangers reading my blog. Quit laughing all my friends who know me! (They laugh cause you have to bribe me to go to church with promises of shrimp and grits or some other breakfast delight afterwards) I also DO drink alcohol. So I am not someone who shuns the spirits. It is quite simple on why I don’t drink much here. I live overseas and you should only drink, excuse me “drank”…with close friends.
Sure, when I am at home in the states, I will toss back shots with the friends. Cause they are my friends and they have my back. They also know where I live and I know where they live, if you know what I mean. We weren’t thrown together in some psychological experiment called expat life.
Also, big one here, I speak the common language of the law enforcement officers in America. No not dollar bills silly, English! That should be enough to make you treat Korea like a two drink minimum. Not for some, just walk through Itaewon on a weekend night.
Also, I kinda like the idea of not having to call my job to bail me out of trouble. Cause living abroad, your job is…how should I say this…your parents. I can’t imagine calling my boss and saying um, I am locked up for fighting an ajumma (older woman). Mmmookayy.
A lot of the social events, ironically, involving my job are centralized around some watering hole. After one or two encounters with that, I said no thanks to any further mixers. I just don’t like the idea of getting drunk around work folk I am not BFFs with, especially the boss. Honestly, after hearing the crazy stuff that is said with my own ears or from others at the events I did not attend, I can do without hearing about some sexual position from the creepy dude that teaches Science. Mmm no thanks. This is my job, not a college frat party.
I also wouldn’t dare get toasty around my neighborhood either…because so many children from the school live in the neighborhood and their parents, you never know who sees you! Which is also why I haven’t braved the sauna/spa next door. More on that when I get brave to do it (many miles away of course).
When I first moved here, I was on a harmless night out with my friend MK and his friends and I was introduced to soju. Soju is cheap. Soju is fermented potato liquour. Soju will knock you straight the hell out.It is the original Everclear. It was like getting drunk on Thunderbird or MD 20/20 in high school. Crazy drunkeness. I had noooo idea.
So, I did get drunk unbeknownst to me. But I felt safe, cause even though I don’t remember eating at 3 or 4 am at the kimbap place around the corner from his house. I knew he wasn’t gonna let anything happen to me and his friend spoke Korean (in case of cops as previously mentioned). I haven’t gotten drunk here since now that I have established my soju threshold though.
I don’t care how many drunk ajusshis I see, how many girls barely standing, the idea I can drink outside the Family Mart (convenience stores) or on the streets for that matter. They are Korean citizens and can do whatever they want. If I do something that gets me into a pickle, I can get deported and land on international news…like that boy who got his butt caned. WHACK… I bet you remember that. Or that couple caught sexing on the beach of Dubai…three months in prison. I hope it was good. I know that intoxication had to be involved.
You probably are thinking…damn…what the hell is she doing when she goes out to drink that she is worried about getting arrested or worse. Maybe I watched too many episodes of “Locked Up Abroad” …but I am all about having a good time within reason. So many people wonder how crazy mess happens to them, 99 percent of the time it involved them being drunk in a foreign country. Like that Dicaprio movie about the Island, Turistas and that sicko horror flick Hostel….mmmhmmm. Not me. I rather be cognizant and have all my senses. I also know that I am not in Kansas anymore, I am a foreigner. I also believe in respecting another’s country better than my own.

Inspire Requires More Than Desire, Sire.

Open Letter to My Friend:

Inspiration simply means arousal of the mind. Action is a manner of movement. Two different things. I can be mentally stimulated by a new car commercial, a conversation had, a song I hear or a new book…but to act upon those stimulations requires a causation of change within.

Any time someone does something of worthy mention in life, what is the first question that is asked by a journalist?

What inspires you?

Inspiration can stimulate action for sure. Most definitely. But those types of inspirations always get the credit now, don’t they? But inspiration can also exist with no actions involved afterwards. Inspirations can be fleeting and everlasting. Inspirations can be purposeful and purposeless. It is up to you, dear friend, if you let your inspirations be of purpose and to grow into action.

Inspire can mean “to breathe life into”. So does the word resuscitate. Other words, to regain consciousness and restore that vigor inside. Ironic? Nope.

Why live vicariously? If there is something you want to do with your life, do it already! STAT!

Your friend,

Lou

Social Networking: Oh What a Tangled Web We Weave…

Logging into Facebook for the 6th time today. I wondered:

1. Are you really friends or know the people on your “friends” list?
2. Are you an exhibtionist? Do we need to know that you are clipping your toenails right now?
3. Are you a voyeur? Looking at profiles and pics of people you know and don’t know?
4. Are you a stalker? Can you track back conversations from your ex to a new chick in a few clicks?
5. Are you misrepreseting yourself? C’mon really.

Social networking has its pluses. Don’t get me wrong. Being so far from home, I am able to feel a part of all of my friend’s lives and chat with them when I am online.

I never understood people with 500 + friends. Do you really know that many people? Are they friends? I know that Facebook has allowed me to keep in touch pseudo-like with some people. I can see what so and so is doing, without having to pick up a phone and fake promise to get together sometime. I can also compare notes on who is doing what in their lives.

Don’t put your business out in the street
My grandma and my dad said this often. You aren’t supposed to tell everyone all the sordid details of your life and somehow Facebook has allowed us to feel comfortable to tell people we need to shave our legs or that we just snorkeled in Thailand. Is it our cry for attention or the need to sound cool or what? As a teacher, the status update reminds me of that waving hand in the back of the room saying “pick me, pick me!” Updates are also used to tell people’s business passive aggressively. It is like a baiting game. You say something clever and then others become curious and want to know more. Sometimes we just don’t know who to tell how we are feeling so we tell it to the Facebook world. I know that I live in Facebook updates. I am always looking for a good quote to summarize how I am feeling. What if that becomes a job interview question? “If you had to update your profile, what would it say” Ha.

Some people are voyeurs. They prowl the internet either stalking or just being nosy. Some people can transcribe a whole conversation between two people just by looking at their Facebook Walls. Some pay attention to the updates and are feeding into the exhibitionists who display that they are now “in a relationship”…Voyeuristic tendencies can spread to those who are unknown and who are not your friends. Looking up who are the people in your “I Love Good Times” group or finding out some man’s full name in the club so you can Facebook search him or MySpace track him. Who needs Google, when you have social networking? Facebook and Myspace has become the modern day Sherlock Holmes and the ultimate resume.

As I just mentioned there are voyeurs…but then there are stalkers. Some women go too far. I am sure men do it too. But women are outrageous. Some can track down full “Wall” post conversations and track log in times and etc. People can be voyeurs, exhibitionists and stalkers all in one. True. But internet stalking is probably, next to text messaging, the number one cause for relationship drama. Ask Chris Brown. What happened to old-fashioned stalking, the drive-by. I wonder if that will make a come back. I mean we never thought leggings would come back, so it is possible!

The title of the post a wonderful quote by Sir Walter Scott, “Oh what a tangled web we weave, when we first practice to deceive.” I think that he was definitely referencing the internet web. I mean, I saw a pic of someone who looked all slim and trim on their Facebook profile but when I ran into them in real life. They were chubby and had man boobs. What gives? Also, some people post pics of their exotic adventures around the world, but are the most closed minded people I have ever met.

I appreciate Facebook for letting me stay in touch with people and post my blog. But I realize that I need to probably scale back on logging in daily and probably remove the automatic email notification so that I can truly connect with people face to face and not their profile pics. I need to see hand gestures, eyes, and body language.

Well, I gotta run and check my Facebook page.

Why Korea is Great: Reason #5011

It's not morning sickness. Trust me.

“Lolita” aka “Lola Belle”, my siamese kitty, has been throwing up for a week or so. This morning she was dry hacking on the side of my bed and I pushed her off cause I just washed my comforter yesterday. (I am going to be an awful mom aren’t I) I made the decision to take her to the vet.

Vets are expensive in the states. I know they want to take a damn x-ray for every and anything. That mess can run upwards to the thousands! Knowing this, I waited to take her to the vet cause she is otherwise normal. She hacks and goes right back to playing. Figuring that it had been over a week, I went to the vet and explained what was going on and he just told me to switch the food and come back in a month if she still does it.

What? You don’t want to take all my money examining her? Cool. We will see how she feels in the next few weeks.

He can’t be too wrong though, cause when my other cat had pimples on his chin, he just gave me a 5,000 won bottle of pimple cream and told me to throw away plastic dishes and what do you know…Lint looks like the after picture in a ProActiv commercial.

Kamsamnida Vet around the block!

Korean Class: Lost in Translation

I am taking Korean classes on MWF from 6-8. So it takes me about 45 minutes each way to get there. So I apologize for the late posts, but hey at the end of those days, I just wanna sleep.

Here are some snippets of funny things that have happened thus far:

1. The first day, we were standing at the counter and this middle-aged Japanese guy with a surly look was standing near us. All of a sudden he bursted out, “JAPANESE SPEAK” increasing the octave each time he repeated the phrase. Finally, fearing for my life I yelled back, “Arigato Mr. Roboto!”
2. Noticed that the German businessman in my class resembles an older Macaulay Culkin. Still trying to find a way to make him put his hands on his face and yell. AHhhhhhhhhhhh.
3. One of my co-workers tried to ask the teacher out on a date. Instead he said he wanted to take her to a restaurant and chew on her. Talk about moving too fast.
4. Another co-worker was trying to say “flower” in Korean. Her pronounciation was all wrong and she said “penis” over and over. I always liked a bouquet of man meat on Valentine’s Day.
5. My teacher called me “special” cause she forgot to add my name to the reading script. In English, that means I am retarded. Kamsamnida, Sonsaegnim.

I am learning a lot but I hate the time commitment. I signed up for Rosetta Stone online to supplement. We will see if I take the next course at the hagwon.

Valentine’s Day

Ladies from all walks of life...loving life!

Last week, I planned a celebration for all the single women I knew to go to the spa to enjoy some much needed pampering and relaxation.
If you know me, I am a Google sleuth. I found this serene spot online and yes, they speak English. The owner is friendly and the staff is wonderful.
I have been twice prior to our girly day and each time has been fantastic.

The facial (60,000) includes a very thorough cleansing, honestly there are so many steps, such as a steaming, clay mask, etc…I drift off to sleep and lose count. Also, you get an upper body massage.
side story
Again if you know me, it took a very long time to ever get a massage. I never liked the idea of someone rubbing on me. I don’t even like guys I date to give me one…anywho. So the first time I ever had one, I was at my friend’s aunt’s house and the masseuse was male. That just added extra nerves for my virginal massage experience. What made it even weirder…was when i was on my stomach, his “berries” rested in the palm of my hand and I didn’t know if the etiquette was to move my hand or gently cup his frank and beans. Needless to say, it was the longest hour of my life and I didn’t get a massage for a long time. The next time and ever since has been female. hmpf.

Back to the original post…my upper body massage with facial had me startled the first time because she was massaging err….my breasts. The first time it was literally all around my boob, second time it was the sides and the decolletage. I don’t have much now… but it was still a little different.

I spoke to one of my Korean teacher friends about it, in true Korean form she said that it was good for you to check for breast cancer and stuff. Mmm.Okay. I guess.

The ladies and I embarked on Valentine’s Day to the spa and everyone had a relaxing time, the evidence was written over their faces.

Afterwards, we went to the buffet at the Grand Hyatt.

Compared to the Shilla, it was okay. I don’t think I will go back again. The tuna was fresh and delicious and they had several types of carved meats like lamb, prime rib, etc. Also, their dessert selection included different sorbets, fruit, confections. But the Shilla is better for sure.

We finished the night off with “He’s Just Not That Into You” I really enjoyed the film and so did my friends that went.
What a perfect Valentine’s Day!

I plan on going back to the spa next month…I may try the massage! :O

Spa Day Korea Information
Address:
202 Livertyhouse 2F
Hannam-dong, Yongsan-ku
Seoul, Korea
Phone:02.793.0777
website: www.spaday.co.kr